5 Reasons You Should Never Drive a 2014 Honda Pilot

Continuing my series of Honda failures, today I'm highlighting the serious errors of the 2014 Honda Pilot—their seemingly perfect crossover SUV. In an effort to try and win me over, Ken Garff Honda of Orem invited me to drive one for a month. Well, the big wigs at J.D. Power think it deserved a 5/5 for overall quality, but after driving it for 30 days, I respectfully disagree. This is why.

1. Bluetooth Capability

Driving without distractions is, well, distracting. The bluetooth connection allows me to control my phone with just a few buttons on the steering wheel or dashboard. You'd think I'd love the ease of use, but no. It's taken me years to condition myself to drive without my hands on the wheel or eyes on the road. Now all I see are other vehicles. They're everywhere!

2. Seating for 8

Just when I thought Honda couldn't get worse than the 7-seater Odyssey, they went and put 8 seats in the Pilot. Really? Just what I need are more people to tell me what a "good driver" I am and how much they "love" the cup holder accessibility. Just hold your drink and mind your business.

3. Cargo Space

This puppy has 87 cubic feet of cargo space when you fold down the second- and third-row seats. In case you're not big on math, I'll put it in simpler terms: it's a lot. For starters, when am I ever going to haul around 87 cubes? I don't even think I could fit that many cubes in my living room. Plus, how does one go about finding that many cubes? Ikea? Absurd.

4. Multi-Informational Display

The fancy-pants term for this is I-MID. The I stands for intelligent. It lets me scroll through my phone book, view my music, add a photo of James Franco as wallpaper. Basically, you name it, the Pilot will do it. The problem is, I'm too insecure to drive something smarter than me. Soon Honda will make all their vehicles take a MENSA test and give each driver a dunce cap with purchase.

5. Fuel Economy

The 4WD Pilot boasts 17 miles per gallon city, 24 highway, and 20 combined. Guess what? They lied. I did my darndest to stay in the safe zone for fuel efficiency, but all I got for my trouble was 24 mpg COMBINED. Not 20, like they claimed. How can I trust a car manufacturer that under-exaggerates?

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In conclusion, the 2014 Pilot was a big, fat disappointment. (Emphasis on fat with the 87 cubic feet of cargo space.)